May 9th, 2020
This is a story of how I came to channel. Of how I came to accept myself in all that I am meant to offer. May it be a salve for the wounds of self-doubt and lack of worth.
I was always connected to Spirit. Specifically through dreams at first, since I learned early on in reality it was not accepted. I grew up in a family that shut away their tendencies towards mental illness, and felt the cellular fear of being locked away for seeing things from an early age. The wounds and fears within my blood and bones, a chaotic mix of DNA that whispered stories of shamans, witches, grandmother wisdom and being locked up or persecuted for the same knowings all at once. I was described as a precocious child, with a proclivity towards walking around in a mismatched array of textures and colours, as I gathered an odd group of tidbits in bags for my mother to discover later.
There was a small window of innocence that I recall as sunlight, flowers and crystal prisms reflected on window panes. Then the fears, harms, distrust and judgements of society permeated my bubble. I absorbed them all like a sponge, curious to why they ran rampant in the hearts of many. And that’s how it begins, for it doesn’t matter whose fear it originally was, once it’s in your energy field, it becomes yours. I then experienced toxic entities, both living and dead. It was as if I stepped into their sight for the first time. It was then like moths to a flame. Until I learned over time how to dampen my flame, how to barricade my being to not. let. them. in.
This is one of the reasons why I do what I do. So we can potentially share more awareness of Spirit and beings not in humxn form during our growth phase, within our childhood. So that we can learn of our sovereignty before the toxic entities take root and find access to terrorize, rape or harm our energetic beings that were innocent once before. For years instead of speaking of this, I learned how to “allow” it on my terms. To embrace that vampires were cool and sexy, to accept that demons and sacrifice were strong. Power is not good or bad, power is accessible to all. It requires choice on how to work with it.. for the good of all, or for the allowance of one. My disconnect to my Spirit was slow and pronounced, and it gave way to multiple painful experiences throughout my decades of growth and decay.
My physical body was the first part of my being that gave out. By 17 I had excruciating back pain, which led me to a prescription of treatment that included yoga practice. I found this so ironic, since my mother taught me meditation and practiced yoga at home regularly. Back to where I once began. I have actively chosen to heal for the past 22 years. Releasing and moving through the cyclical layers and fractals of fear, violence and opinions of others that shaped my years. Then seeing how these parts of me were connected to other parts of me, those that were remnants of struggles past, that resided in my bones and blood. The known struggles as well as the mysteries of my ancestors and my past lives.
I remember when my sisters whispered shared experiences of connection to spirits, of out-of-body-experiences, of waking to droves of people standing at the foot of their beds. I am grateful for my sisters in seeing that I was not alone in this confusion. My younger sister was the first one who gave me a channeled reading, shared of my past times I was a necromancer. It scared me shitless. Especially since the dead people I saw now tended to be… well… dead. Old and ailing, with messages and concerns for those still living. One of my sisters was the first who connected to my animal protector, the puma, where it would protect us in meditation against the “wolves in sheep’s clothing”, the toxic entities that pry their way through in disguise. I chose not to speak of this to anyone for years.
As I worked on healing my being, I yo-yoed between healthy eating and destructive practices that kept a level of toxin in. For when I was clear, it still scared me. Messages would come so quickly and clearly. I remember eating raw for a week when I was studying to teach yoga, and over lunch, writing down the true energetic secrets behind some of the teachings I was shared from patriarchal teachers. I quickly went and got a burger to ground and cloud. When I was “clear”, I would see others grandmothers and guides, sometimes so yearning to be heard for they had so much to share and help the poor soul that they would get in my head and at that time I didn’t know how to regulate it or manage it at all.
I learned through trial and error how to deal with the demons. I was a warrior after all. I found practices, like yoga and reiki that helped me get stronger in my boundaries, but still only shared how to block or heal, but not work with all that I have been given to work with in this lifetime. I stepped out of the patriarchal and capitalist constructs as much as I could, I traveled to connect to the energy of the elements, and to learn from the sounds and teachings of the earth. But, with me hiding so much of my identity, I would always stumble back into the kaka for “need” of finances, worth or ‘normalcy’. But my truth would permeate through eventually.
I practiced divination in multiple countries, where oddly enough, it would become privately known to those that needed that I read tarot, or spoke with grandmothers passed. I would teach secretly to those whose culture shared taboo thoughts of these things, the ways of energy and how it could initiate your capacity to self-heal and to slowly take back your power. I was the most reluctant teacher, for all my wounds shared that what I was meant to teach was not true. I doubted my body, my identity, my intuition, my soul’s wisdom, and our access to all those beings that may have been in humxn form, or may have never been.
Trusting yourself is a radical act. Revealing your truth is revolutionary for we have been taught to adhere to other’s and not our own knowing. It starts with the choice to heal, to face your identity and all that this life gave you. I am grateful that in the preparation for this immense global shift and collective trauma, I have had to remove the self-doubt of who I am. I give thanks for spirit by my side, in constant support of the layers of healing that continue through this incubation time. I have begun to let go of the shackles around my self-worth, in being valued by how ‘productive’ I am, or how much I have stepped into the old patriarchal structures that assisted in clouding my truth for so many decades. I have come to a point of reclamation.
I acknowledge my mediumship, as well as my channeling capacity of other star-beings that are not of this Earth, but whom watch over us, and are rooting for us to be us, in our truth, power and sovereignty. I choose Light. To ascend. Not physically, for our physical bodies carry so much wisdom and keys to our very existence. I see ascension as a pathway to sovereignty. To reestablishing our power, our identity, our uniqueness, in order to share our gifts, medicine and purpose for the good of all. So we can together dismantle old structures that lay fear, harm and doubt in self. So we can gently heal and reestablish ease and compassion for all. So then we can build new structures and communities that support Love and Joy for All. May it be so.
Me sharing with you my teachings, makes me need to remind you that they are not ‘mine’, they are ours. They come through me from Source Energy, from beings of light that are here to guide and assist us in healing and becoming sovereign. Sovereign means supreme ruler, but it means energetically in actualizing complete ownership over one’s self. Reestablishing your birthright to Free Will. Having the capacity to abscond fear, violence and distrust from our reality. To remove the push, the force and the hardness of colonialism and other patriarchal structures in our beings.
So who am I? A queer, gender fluid witch. A brujx, a shaman, a balancer, a wayshower, a teacher. A channel of Source Energy, where I can now share my Allness. The whole picture. A creative process. A way in how to heal yourself, reestablish your power and become accustomed to your sacred 5. The 5 energy signatures of you, your totality and divinity. You always have choice. I am honoured that you chose to read this far. Thank you for stepping through this gateway with me. Even if it’s just for this story shared today.