4 decades of the Patriarchy & Supremacism

BE(ing), Femme NRG, Masc NRG, Self Care, Stories, Your NRG Body

June 16th, 2020

Decade 1: 0-10 years old

Told I was female and introduced to the gender binary
Discovered that I was the less than gender in a system called the patriarchy
Taught that in the patriarchy there was a thing called White Supremacy
Shown that those that were white and male held the most power over others and could harm and abuse us, even as children
Learned to be silenced and uncomfortable
Taught that if you are white you are better. Learned my brown hairy body was different.
Taught that the sexual urges of the patriarchy were allowed and dominant in society
Learned that there were many sexualities but that they weren’t respected or acknowledged

Decade 2: 10-20 years old

Realized I was different and weird in the supremacist system of perfection and sameness
Taught of comparison and competition
Was paired with Black kids in school, or those that were ‘other’ (male dominant womxn) by the teachers so we could commiserate together
Learned that if I didn’t go in the sun I could pass as white
Was taught that if you were smart then you weren’t pretty
Was taught that I had to choose a gender in dress & public appearance to lessen the street harassment
Discovered that the police weren’t there to help us but to assist in oppression of difference
Discovered that drugs helped in numbing the pain of living in an oppressive system
Food was a coping mechanism, but was introduced to fatphobia and dabbled in bulimia
Drugs, alcohol and food helped, but body began to break down and I was forced to take different measures to start to heal the debilitating pain of my body shutting down

Decade 3: 20-30 years old

Discovered sex in a body that was not mine
Embraced the force of being a bitch, tried to be as dominant and cruel as the patriarchy
Explored the push and pull of being the oppressed and the oppressor
Played with fire and got burned
Explored power dynamics in sexuality and was put in my place numerous times by rapists and abusers
Got involved with narcissists
Told that in business I was enslaved to the capitalist patriarchal system. That I would never make as much as a white male but have to work at least twice as hard to prove my worth to them continuously
Witnessed how more of the oppressed became the oppressors, myself included, keeping us in check with judgements, false support and gossip
Reflected on how the polarity/binary system was within education, work, home, intimate relationships, it was everywhere and it was strong
Learned how to blend in anywhere I went. I shifted into them.
Started to heal as I continued to hurt

Decade 4: 30 years to now (turning 40 in Nov 2020)

Worked hard to play the system to my advantage but didn’t have the stamina for competition
Realized capitalism had no place for me in it, and no matter how hard I tried it would keep me poor
Got the ancestral call to explore heritage lost and fuck the patriarchy
Tried to step out of the system, but it’s pull in me was still strong
Began to heal the feminine
Faced the toxic masculine and lost time and time again
Was physically assaulted and told by the police that the man must have been crazy, then heard no more on the case
Was told by a narcissistic ‘friend’ to not play the victim and buck up and get over the assault because it was affecting my productivity
Tried to work in the toxicity but my body and spirit revolted
Had to lose everything – finances, material gain, friendships and reputation to finally break free of the patriarchy
Slowly began to heal the masculine
Had to let go of family members, toxic friends and employers that tried to stop the deep healing work
Started to rebuild with new boundaries and envision a new earth

Facing my self has been immensely healing, cathartic and painful. This is absolutely not my whole story, but this is a big start for me to share this all. From 4 decades of patriarchy and supremacy I now feel possibility, ease and joy for what’s to come and what is: My hope isn’t just one of survival. My voice will not be silenced. I am a catalyst. I promise to help when asked in the shift within You. I reclaim my Sacred Self. I choose to ignite my Power of Spirit.

You are Sacred. You are Divine.

Fuck the patriarchy. Dismantle White Supremacy. It’s time to decolonize your mind. Let’s stop playing the game that breeds fear and harm.

All my energy work is here to remind you of your Sacred. To give you the tools to responsibly do the work to amplify, clarify and remember your divinity. We Can.