June 18th, 2021
What if I shared your worth is a limited concept in itself? That the feeling of worthiness is actually a part of the healing and balancing of the ego (perspective of individual self) with the spirit (perspective of self that is limitless and connected to all that is). I also got tripped up in the well-coined worthy wound. Being born into a family that carried strong beliefs through generations of scarcity and lack, I learned from a young age that “money didn’t grow on trees”. I was brought up to believe that my dreams and desires were fluffy clouds and imaginative dreams that were not grounded in reality. There would be a time that I would just have to suck it up and do something to get a paycheck, stability, and to relinquish my happiness.
My warrior spirit tackled this challenge with vigour. I worked hard at working the system – that started with the educational system to capitalism. I learned how to apply my natural skills of learning new things quickly, and my tenacity to excelling at what I applied my efforts to. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t until I stepped out of working for others visions, and stepped into the mystery and risk of me working in connection with spirit that I began to hear the conversations around worth and personal value linked to how we charge for our soul-led services. With someone with well-over 20 years of business experience, when I stepped into the uncertainty of my own soul-led business, I did see how I regularly undercharged and took on clients for little-to-no-funds. I then chalked this up to the ‘worth wound’ I heard of so much, and with my own unsupportive self-talk stemming from years of verbal and emotional abuse within the workplace, I leaned into the other side.
When we explore polarities, the ‘good and bad’ sides of things, it is natural to lean to the other. But the more that I have moved beyond polarities, trusting this movement between two was a way to access my center – a 3rd point, where I could move beyond only 2. For example, I knew with the movement key I wanted to say a major eff you to capitalism. I had no desire to build an empire, for I know within history all empires that monopolize 1-way fall. I wanted to work with what I love doing, what brings me great joy – journeying with others within self and outside of self – in circle, through time, space, and consciousness. I never was a great sales person, I was more of an artist and visionary in business. I can create and trust my inner nudges and connections, but to promote my shit, that’s another story. So, I simply chalked it up to me the toxicity of capitalism, and me trying to do things different. Or then, when I did things differently, and I still blocked abundance, to me then leaning into the feeling of my worthiness.
But of course, there is no good or bad when working from your center, just lessons leading to more innerstanding. Ways of shit or blessings leading you to see further, and gain greater perspective. So I dove for years into understanding capitalism, healing the layers of kaka that I carried within my body, releasing the perspectives that no longer held expansive sensory truth. I learned that the price of my services had nothing to do with my worth, or blocks to abundance. Yes, as a self-employed boutique-style business founder, I understand that high-touch means that there is at times a higher price tag. But my worth is not tied to my rate. Or else, I would have limited the spiritual journey of moving through my ancestral work with scarcity and lack, and would have limited my growth from the incredible connections I have made along the way from those I chose to give scholarships or sliding scale rates to.
I nourish, cultivate and grow supportive relationships. Spirit at times asked me to discount my work at ridiculous percentages off that my ego-business mind couldn’t justify. They clearly stated in conversations with individuals, that I was meant to work with them, even if it was for little financial reward. I do not regret these teachings from spirit. Each one gave me immense opportunity to further learn, heal, and grow. Our value as a human being, a beautiful mix of body, soul & spirit, is so far beyond anything that the limited egoic perception of capital and worth could sense.
What I can share at this point, is that me placing a monetary worth to my hour or service had absolutely no connection to moving through this worth wound and healing from the abusive extremes of capitalism within. What allowed me to heal was to see people and relationships instead of sales. To work through my own distrust in the truth of it all – that our body is connected to all that is – the earth, and more. In the trust of that connection, we are abundant. There is more than enough to support all beings. This statement may even trigger and pull you to lean into the other polarities – enjoy the ride! Trust it will get you to your center point, where you can honour both and move beyond. It has been a slow and arduous practice. But I do see, that when I ease into the flow and tap into the abundant support, love, and connection that spirit, the earth, and our beings provide, I receive more than I expect. And this way, I then can continue to honour the nudges I receive in clarity calls with new connections, be it that they receive a scholarship, sliding scale, or that I share it is not the right time for our journey together.
I remember the amount of different “spirit-based business coaches” that would share you are worth the high-prices, and to share that the way that they could give back was once they made more than enough to then give to charities and causes. My causes have always been through the personal connections I have made. The support I have shared and will continue to share is in growing a community that supports and honours each other – in boundaries, in their healing, and growth. I understand what these coaches were trying to do – to clear mindset and inner wounds that were linked to fears, doubts, and uncertainties that come in soul-led businesses. Our business path can heal us as we grow it. It sure as hell has done so with me! Oh, and please know – the way I have traveled is in no means the only way. We are in the process of healing from multiple generations of suffering from capitalism, colonialism and supremacism. We are in the process of planting seeds and growing new pathways of connection while we heal our relationship to currency, prosperity, and abundance. May this be food for your personal contemplations. May you digest what’s needed, and expel the rest. May we continue to innerstand our consumption in a greater ecosystem that includes humans, plants, animals, trees, the elements of the earth. May we bring ways that support each other and allow more abundant flow to travel through our earth and bodies.
You are way more than ‘worth it’ – you ARE abundant. You are limitless. But there’s the work – unpacking all the perspectives, suffering and pain from the time cycles we were taught not.
For a clarity call, or initial chat, just connect with me via email. Let’s have a tea and see if our life paths are meant to cross.